Lately this has been on my mind, and maybe even more because I am so ready for another baby but at the same time so nervous!!! I have never done a post like this...talking about something that is so personal to me.
SO, here it goes. I hate so badly that Kyle and I can't just have a baby of our own. To want something so much and you can't get it just sucks. We have been married 7 years and 6 of those years I have been without any birth control. I remember thinking that after the first year of being married we would "try" for a baby. Months went by and only disappointment. I remember feeling angry and jealous when I would see a woman pregnant and wanting the same thing so bad. The crying month after month. The bitterness towards couples who were gonna have babies. And then the just not caring anymore stage.
So who says you have to give birth to be a mom. Who says you have to have children of your own, to love a child like its your own. Well, I say that our special guy Kash is the best thing that has ever happened to us. That if we had a choice to have our "own" or have him...it so would be him over and over. I love that I get to be a mom. I love that we got the chance to be so blessed to have him in our lives.
So last but not least, I'm so nervous about never getting to have another baby. Kyle and I can't just say, "ok in 9 months from now lets have a baby." I know, at least I think I know or hope to have the chance to have more children.
The experiences we have had through this infertile mertile stuff has brought amazing things into our lives. We so would not change anything about how we started our family. We have been blessed with such a great little guy. He will always be number one, even if we get number two, number three and who knows maybe one day Kyle and I will get to experience a pregnancy together.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
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5 comments:
Oh Kelly, I am so sorry. My best friend and her husband are in the same situation. They have been married for ten years now and not been able to get pregnant. They have adopted two beautiful boys who they love more than life itself. I have been able to experience the ups and downs with my friend and feel for you so much. I wish you two the best of luck in whatever means you have to make your familiy grow. Love ya. Michelle.
I so sppreciate your posting this because it reminds me to count my blessings every day especially, when those blessings are driving me crazy! When I got pregnant with Ayden, it was not planned and the timing was not what I thought was ideal. After confiding in a friend that I was a little discouraged and nervous at finding out I was pregnant, I then found out that she and her husband had been trying for so long to conceive to no avail. I have never had such an eye opening experience in my life and have never felt more grateful for my unplanned pregnancy! I can't help but wonder in my line of work why so many unfit parents continually have children they don't and can't care for, while so many wonderful parents are not given the same blessing. The only thing that comes to mind is that God has a plan for us all and as much heartache as that plan can cause, it only helps to open our hearts and our minds more in the end. You have been blessed with a beautiful and happy little boy and regardless of whether you gave birth to him or not is completely irrelevant...you are a beautiful mother to that precious little boy! I pray for many more blessings for you and your family!
Kel,
I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. But I'm glad to see you write about this. I think of you often and tell myself to be so thankful and greatful for Miss Raeli. I have no idea what you are going through with all of this, and there are many of us who never will. Just know we are all thinking of you and posts like this make the rest of us more appreciative of the small things! :)
I love that Kash has you for a Mother as well. You and Kyle are doing an amazing job and there is do doubt that your home is always filled with love!! I don't have much more to say then I'm sorry. I don't like being pregant. I was miserable the entire 9 months. But thank you for the reminder that other people in the world would give ANYTHING to just feel the way a prgnant woman does. I would love to see you and Kyle have a baby of your own!
Kash is so lucky to have you guys as parents.
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